Slipping sideways, silver stars collide
And fade away just like our love that died
And there is nowhere in this universe to hide
From you tonight

I've wrestled with angels all my life
Its always the halos and the wings that keep you blind
And if I'd fought with all the strength I held inside
I wouldn't be out here
Alone tonight

I wouldn't be standing alone tonight.
I wouldn't be standing alone tonight.
I wouldn't be standing alone tonight.
I wouldn't be standing alone tonight.

Alone tonight, just like the western star I'm sinking
The angels curse me blind with straight and crooked thinking
Alone tonight, just like the western star I'm sinking
The angels curse me blind with straight and crooked thinking

Slipping sideways, silver stars collide
And fade away just like our love that died
And there is nowhere in this universe to hide
From you tonight

I've wrestled with angels all my life
Its always the halos and the wings that keep you blind
And if I'd fought with all the strength I held inside
I wouldn't be out here
Alone tonight

There is no point in holding this back anymore. I've spent my life in search of the things that please me most. While I've come close to establishing my priorities, realising what makes me tick and what helps those mechanisms tick better, I've never really pinned down what works for me until recently.

T R A N C E.

Something about the way the bass thumps through my body as I'm hurtling down Highway 75 at relativistic speeds...the way the melodies yank on my soul and force my body to move along with them in strange ritualistic contortions. The late nights spent watching lane line after lane line fly under my Accord as the skyline of Dallas fills my windshield. It's a cathartic experience for me.

Until about two years ago I didn't know anybody who shared my passion for this musical orgasm. Then I met my friend Russel. Russ is a sonovabitch. He is the most loyal person I know. He and I are completely different yet we click on so many fundamental levels. We're like two atoms of Boron resonating in a Helium superfluid. Or we're like...two idiots losing their minds to a great Tiesto or AVB mix.

The point is that, yes, I have a girlfriend who is the most wonderful person in the world. But sometimes having a girlfriend just pisses you off inside. You're tied down. You lose opportunities and shut windows to the world that would otherwise be open. Being with Helen has been the greatest experience of my short life, but I am still looking for something more. Something almost Bohemian in nature...I need that artistic side of my life fulfilled. Trance bridges that gap.

Perhaps it's evidenced by the 3 weeks worth of Trance/House/Goa stored on my laptop. Perhaps it's the huge Tiesto bird emblazoned on my car or the constant swaying/head-bobbing motions I'm making late into the night staring into my computer as I learn about the world through the tiny portal that is the internet as this ambrosial music pours into my ears and puts me into a trancelike state that I can't return from.

This music, the late night drives with Russ punctuated by fine cigars, hookah, coffee at Cafe Brazil (the greatest restaurant in the world where I've spent so much time that I know the staff by name), espresso back at his house, harassing people anonymously online, debating the value of metaphysics with my former friend Drew, losing (badly) to Alek or Russ in a game of chess...I don't know. It all seems awfully dorky/retarded and yet without this constant stream of artsy-fartsy left-brained pseudoshit flowing through my life I am sure my sanity would be foregone by now.

Ah well. Enough sentimentality. Obviously, Helen is the angel in the song above. While she completes me I am always searching for more. I want to better myself. Expand my mind. Learn. Grow.

I need the wind of change.

May the gods look favorably down upon all your journeys through life.

Signing out.

summary of recent events:

1.) avoid milwaukee's best
2.) polisci is my respite from scientific hell
3.) fuck the republican party - it just shot itself in the head.

4.) i am still the shit.

this is ground control to major tom
you've really made the grade...

this is major tom to ground control
im stepping through the door
and im floating in a most peculiar way
and the stars look very different...to-DAAAAAAAAAAAY...

for HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE am I sitting in a tin can
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR above the world
planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can dooooo-OOOOOOOOO

i know i don't update much anymore ... who still reads this? i'm thinking of creating mein own bloggenz0rz...

yarr...

ground control to major tom
your circuit's dead
there's something wrong
can you hear me major tom?
can you hear me major tom?
can you hear me major tom?
can you heeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeere 
am i floating on my tin can
far above the world
planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do-ooooooooo

Parkland Memorial is the shit. The SHIT.

Last night I got to shadow a few trauma surgeons for almost 11 hours. We had several insane cases come through, the most spectacular of which was a dude with a broken pelvis. They got him stabilized but he'd been hypotensic all night so we gave him some blood and did an angioplasty (you can actually see the inner organs in real-time...it's so cool).

i think he'll be alright.

I also got to observe the repair of an incarcerated triple hernia in an old lady. It was about a 4 hour surgery, and they basically cut into her, cut out all the crap that had grown around the herniated section of intestine, pulled out her intestines and examined them, then put them back in, sewed her back up, and had her right as rain.

cool.

i thought there would have been more blood than there was, but then again they have this cool Scalpel called a Bodie that actually is a hot knife that cauterizes whatever it cuts. is that super bad-ass or what?

anyway, i left around 6:00 am after spending an entire night with a doctor, several residents and some UTSW students. definitely one of the highlights of this break.

i need to sort out my tuition problems ... but A&M is no stranger to fucking me over, so i don't know if i can.

peace outside.

no worries, mate.

helen is the shit.